So, you’re all alone this weekend in a strange city. Your bored and you don’t want to watch T.V. in your hotel room. You have your game capable laptop and you want to do a little friendly 1 on 1 action on your favorite FPS game, and maybe have some drinks with someone. Point being, you don’t want to be alone.
So, you’re walking around the hotel, looking for someone else just like you. But you are nervous. The last time you approached someone she thought you were hitting on her so she slapped you and told you she didn’t want to talk to a nerd like you. It made you recoil into your basement for years.
How do you spot a gamer? Here are five things that might just help you.
1. Horrible Fashion Sense – Do their pants not quite cover their ankles? Are their glasses badly fitted and too big for their face? Is their T-Shirt old, stained, and feature some sort of anime picture? Likely they are a gamer.
2.Diet – Have you noticed them drinking a staggering amount of alcohol? Pizza pops as a main dish and chips, pretzels and other munchies their only source of sustenance? Likely, they are a gamer.
3.State of Health – Slim, muscular, walk with a bound in their step with fluid, cat like motions? Likely, not a gamer. Too skinny, too fat, not a hint of muscle anywhere (except maybe the wrist), yea, you probably have yourself a gamer.
4.Nervous Tick – do they constantly glance at their watch, fiddle with something, shift nervously like they are missing something and your pretty sure it’s not crack cocaine? Yea, they might be a gamer.
5.Do they seem oblivious to the world around them? If they mention politics to they mention a guild in WoW? Hot dang! Someone that likes playing games.
I hope I’ve helped you. Now go out there and meet your brethren.
Does anybody remember the movie Alien Vs. Predator? I do. It involved bad acting, a bad plot, and people having no problem hanging out in Antarctica wearing nothing but a T-Shirt and somehow not freezing to death in minutes.
Anyways, they came out with a game. It had BETTER not suck like the movie. I bet it does. I mean, the first predator movie was good because Arnold Schwarzenegger provided macho funnies. In the second movie, Danny Glover was the hero. Let me repeat that. Danny Glover. HAHAHAHAH! Loved it! And the original Alien movies with Sigourney Weaver was dark and science fictiony, just the way I like them.
In the game, you can play through the story line as a Predator, or an Alien, or as a Marine, and the story lines are different for each one. So if the game doesn’t suck, that gives you the opportunity to play the game, fresh, three times through.
If anyone actually reads this, can they leave a comment and let me know if the game is worth buying? THANKS!
So, apparently Erratic didn’t agree with me about the game Borderlands, making sharp fun of me in his rebuttal to my review of the game. Instead, he recommended you play some older but still good games. I agree. Those game are good. But so is Borderlands.
That’s the thing about getting old like Erratic. Change is bad to these guys. They are set in their ways, they like their prune juice a certain temperature and eat dinner at 4:30 PM to catch the early bird special (so they can be asleep by 9). It’s cute, really it is. Oh, there is something you need to know about his two paragraph plus once sentence post – it took him almost three hours to write it.
Isn’t it cute how the senior citizens try?
Regardless, he does have some very good input when he’s agreeing with me. Now, on with the rest of the post.
Until recently, all my gaming experience has been with my tower. I was lucky enough to come into possession of a used laptop at a very good price. This laptop can game – not that well but it does run Call of Duty 4 perfectly. I’ve found that having a laptop that is game capable, well, liberating to say the least.
Let’s picture this scenario. You are invited to a lan party. All right! A weekend in a basement playing all your favorite games, not showering, and eating nothing but sugar and trans fats. Awesome! You get your tower out. You unplug every wire for the back, roll them up, secure them with elastic bands and put them in your bag. You then pick up your tower. You almost drop it carrying it up the stairs. You almost drop it again while opening the door. You swear. You put it in the trunk. You are about to go in the door when you realize you need to secure it before you destroy a hard drive like last time. You load the rest of your stuff. You get to the party. You set your machine up after finding the appropriate space. The fattest guy sets up next to you, hogs half the table and can’t stop farting.
Six and a half hours later, you’re starting to game!
Now that you got that in your head, let’s picture another scenario. You take your gaming laptop. You put it in your laptop backpack. You go to your party (stopping at the store for snacks). You don’t drop the laptop because it’s secured on your back, leaving your hands free to open doors, carry bags full of chips and pop, and so on. You get to your table, take up almost no space, and you’re ready to start gaming 2 minutes after you sit down.
Your friends are still arguing about how many plugs they need because there’s not enough power bars to go around. You smile, go out and get more snacks, and are warming up with a little pre-lan gaming while one guy is trying to figure out if 3 1/2″ of space between his tower and keyboard is enough room to operate his mouse.
And that, my friends, is logic not even old grumpy Erratic can refute.
This is so typical of you Spaz… you are all ga ga over an inferior game. Just look at it. The creators of this game use comic book graphics to make up for a lack of artistic ability. this is not creative genius. This is simply a cheap rip off of a good game, namely Stalker. If these are the” coolest graphics” you have ever seen, then hand in your drivers license, because you’re legally blind. And, since when have you ever vacuumed your living room?? I think the only time you use that device is to clean your pits. Which is NOT what the machine is for. It doesn’t work.
Any way, for those of you who prefer to get your moneys worth out of a game, look else where. This game simply doesn’t have the credibility to be a good game. I suggest Stalker, as I mentioned earlier, or any of the F.E.A.R. games. Also either of the Mass Effect titles. All of these offer so much more than Borderland: storyline, graphical superiority, value for the money.
So, Spaz . Grow up, take a shower and don’t use the vacuum cleaner on yourself.
Borderlands has been out since October of 2009 and I finally got around to play it. Three months after a game is released for me to play is, well fast. Probably because I’m all grown up and I have a job and a household and limited funds and I still haven’t got around to playing those other three games that I bought that are still sitting on the shelf screaming ‘PLAY ME WE’RE DYING’ and I’m screaming back ‘I can’t! I have to pay the bills then vacuum the living room!’. I hate being an adult. If you can stay a kid forever, do it. DOWIT. It’s so much more fun.
Anyways, Borderlands. First off, this might be the coolest graphics I’ve ever seen. When I was a kid I LOVED comic books, and I’ll be damned if this isn’t a computer game comic book brought to life.
Secondly, the plot and people. So rough around the edges. Such low brow humor. LOVE. IT.
Thirdly, the game play. It’s an FPS (LOOOOOVE first person shooters) and an RPG rolled into one. I love collecting weapons, and upgrading skills. But it’s not a full blown RPG. You aren’t so confused by the skill tree and HUD display that you want to scoop your eyeballs out with a rusty spoon. It’s simple, effective, easy to learn and fun.
The best part? It’s got a co-op mode. Your friends can get on a lan or online, pick one of the four off the shelf characters, and have fun running around doing stuff together.
Consensus? I’m very glad I bought Borderlands. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go play it more. Time’s to precious to write more in this silly post.
For you Console Weenies:
Borderlands for Xbox 360
Borderlands for Playstation 3
